About
A bio should be written in the third-person; it should be interesting, witty and informative. That is far too much pressure for me:
I got knocked up when I was 21, cocktail waitressing in a strip club; so I went back to school, got an office job and flung myself head-long into single-motherhood. My husband and I met by accident on Facebook while I was looking for a friend from high school who had the same name. He lived in England, I lived in Missouri. I never did anything the easy way. In 2008, we got married, moved the whole clan to England, and I had my second baby. What can I say, the accent was really hot?
The blogging addiction began in the summer of 2010 because I spent the whole day with my two year-old daughter and didn’t get many chances to tell dirty jokes, swear or talk about my sex life. In all seriousness, I was drowning in my motherhood and couldn’t think of any other way to find the funny, sexy, inappropriate part of myself which had slipped away under a pile of dirty dishes and laundry. I had a mini-meltdown. I had been a single-mom, full-time student, office manager, go-getter extraordinaire. Now I was a housewife?! That sounded ridiculous. So I re-evaluated and became a mothering, wifing, cooking, gardening, hen-keeping, home-making, eco-concious, urban-hippie extraordinaire… ahhh, that’s better. I’m the Stay At Home Babe.
I am a heavily-tattooed, die-hard foodie who will dice and sauté anything that sits still long enough; so look out! I’m a foul-mouth and sometimes a loud-mouth, but always a big softie… though I’m good in a fight if you need me. I’m a smartass with a cute ass, but don’t mess with my family or I’ll cut you. Hey, did you know that by reading this you have made my day? No, seriously… and comments make me feel sexy. So, you know, that’s a hint. If you take that one then I won’t expect you to buy me a birthday gift, but if you’d like to then Starbucks giftcards are always accepted.
*Turn-Ons: Smart, nice, funny, cool people (I’m easy to please)
*Turn-Offs: Stupid, mean, boring, lame people (seriously, these people just suck)
The internet is the only place where it’s flattering to stalk someone, so if you want to talk about boobs, wine and swear words, I’m on Twitter and Facebook too. In case you haven’t heard it today, you’re hot and awesome.
