Archive for December 2011
Eating Worms
This is the point in Christmas break when it’s not close enough to say it’s almost over, but really… it’s almost over. All four Farringtons in the house for two weeks, it’s like a weekend that won’t end. And I’m gonna be honest here, the special part of the weekend is that it ends. If the weekend went on forever we wouldn’t call it the weekend, we would call it Oh my god, seriously, you’re still here? My 3 year-old just walked up and said, Here, Mom. Eat some worms, you will feel better. How did she know?
My Kid Shanked the Shoe Salesman
Hudson just went through her semi-annual growth spurt and needed new shoes. Last summer, she bought the ugliest shoes in history because she couldn’t be talked out of them. Grandmas with the orthopedic shoes all over the world were rejoicing in her choice of these fucking heinous shoes. Needless to say, I was pretty excited at the opportunity to replace them. We braved the week-after-Christmas madness and went to Clark’s, took our number, waited patiently for a hundred years and then we were greeted by the boy-bander from hell. Seriously. He had the spikey gelled hair that looked like he… { read more }
I Got Knocked Up. It’s a Christmas Miracle.
I’ve been going on and on all month about hating Christmas, and how it’s only redeeming quality was that I would have an excuse to drink martinis at five… because IT’S CHRISTMAS! Shit. Anyway. I did just that. I did almost nothing else. It was the best Christmas ever. How did I do that, you ask? Well let me just tell you about it… 1. I set a timer for one minute and wrote the names of everyone I could think of in one minute for whom I felt compelled to buy a gift. It was like five people. 2…. { read more }
I’ve Been Involved with a Woman
I’ve been watching the show Enlightened, about the marketing chick who had a breakdown, went to a yoga retreat and got in touch with what the universe’s energy has in store for her destiny path or something. It reminds me of my friend who worked in a bank, freaked out and now teaches yoga. So. Happy. But that wasn’t my point. Isn’t Enlightened by the same network that did The Big C about the chick with terminal cancer? If so, does that mean that network has pretty much accepted that their target demo are midlife women having an identity crisis?… { read more }
It’s Official, Moving Back to the States
I almost never post twice in one day, because holy hell I have a lot of things on my to-do list that don’t actually get done every day. I’d pretty much do nothing if I posted twice a day. Like I’d never eat and I’d have to wear an adult diaper. But anyway. This just in: We’re officially moving to California (Santa Clara/San Jose/Santa Cruz area) at the end of January. I promised to tell you as soon as I knew, we’re telling the kids tonight. Whew. The stupid effing waiting is over. Okay, quick… get rid of 4/5th of… { read more }
Top 10 Reasons the Internet Is Better Than Sex
There’s a lot of talk about all of our technology putting distance between us, breakdown of relationships, etc. Fair points. But I would like to suggest a few reasons to bear in mind that you might not want to give up your high speed net connection just yet… 1. The internet doesn’t leave a wet spot on the clean sheets. 2. I never have to shave my legs to go online, in fact… I don’t even have to shower. 3. The internet never gets tired or falls asleep before I’m finished. 4. My computer doesn’t want me to cuddle when… { read more }
Sex in the Headmaster’s Office
What happened when I had to talk about my sex life with my son’s principal? I’ll tell you in today’s column over at In The Powder Room. I’m not going to close comments here today like I’ve been doing because I’ve had several people tell me they were having trouble commenting over there and until that’s fixed, I would rather you bring your fine ass back here and leave your comment if you have any problems. But back to the important part, Sex In The Headmaster’s Office.
Herpes & Good Friends, Last a Lifetime
I think if we’re lucky in life, we meet friends who genuinely understand us, care about us, support us and if we’re worth our salt then we are able to do the same for them. I think if we’re beyond lucky there is a small handful of them we stand shoulder to shoulder with for the long haul. There are those magical friendships that endure. No matter how we change, grow, regress or stand stagnant—we continue to just understand. Magic. I’m always humbled and amazed when those moments happen. Laughing with an old friend, one who’s known me from the… { read more }
I Got Naked, There Are Pictures
I was asked to be part of the Blogger Body Calendar 2012. A calendar girl? You betcha. While I was in San Diego in August for Blogher, the super duper awesome Morgan from The Little Hen House took pictures of me in my birthday suit. You know you want one. This year’s calendar theme is Survivors & Strength and the proceeds go to Violence Unsilenced to benefit victims of domestic and sexual abuse. Surviving abuse is a cause close to my heart, so I was super stoked to have such a legitimate reason to get nekkid and sell the pictures…. { read more }
I Was Such a Bitch in High School
There’s this really cool silver lining that’s come from Nate’s death in the form of being reunited with friends I haven’t had much contact with in years. So awesome to see that some of them have had kids, some of them have done really well professionally (some of them managed to nail both of those landmarks, high five) and some of them haven’t changed a bit. That’s mostly a good thing, in case you were wondering if that was a sneaky insult. There’s been a couple of downsides to this. First, in the form of being heavily reminded of what… { read more }
