Archive for November 2011
Baked Onion Rings
The other night I had a couple of drinks and I wanted something breaded, fried, salty; all of the things that make something tasty, but not necessarily good for me. I went to my kitchen and set to work making Good & Tasty Tuesday-worthy onion rings. I took a slice of my seeded, whole grain, buckwheat and poppyseed bread and stuck it in my food processor until it was breadcrumbs. I whisked up one of my eggs from my free-range organic hens out back and I sliced an onion. If you’ve never breaded anything, you just dredge it through the… { read more }
Christmas Sucks Hairy Old Man Balls
Do you love Christmas? Are you so excited and already have your tree up and all your shopping done? Because you LOVE it? Yeah, I don’t. This week’s column: I hate Christmas. There, I said it. Come and disagree with me, or tell me we’re two peas in a pod. I won’t love you any less either way. Just stop by and tell me your take on it. Because, fuck, it’s almost Christmas again. P.S. I’m closing comments on this post… stop being shy, go leave your comment In the Powder Room!
You Gorgeous American Motherfucker
I haven’t posted a damn thing since Wednesday. Barely a whisper of anything anywhere really. I told one of my best friends that I didn’t know what to say. That I needed to come up with something, but it just wouldn’t come. I was told to just do that “candid thing” I do and talk about being a bit depressed and lost. So I tried that. Trust me, it was shit. You don’t want to read it. But more than that, I haven’t really been depressed. I mean, I’ve had some depressed moments, for sure. But it’s not been some… { read more }
The Most Important Lesson I Learned While Working in a Strip Club
In contrast to the worst part of working in a strip club, the best part of working in a titty-bar has to be the fact that work is an all-night dance party. Sparklecorn’s got nothin’ on an eight-hour shift slinging drinks in stilettos. It was perfectly acceptable to bust out dancing at any point. In fact, it was encouraged. And it was so much fun. When I got knocked up and took an office job, I have to be honest, I felt like a piece of my soul died with my desk and staple-puller. After I’d been shuffling papers from… { read more }
Vegetable Stew… with or without meat.
My daughter doesn’t grow… for months at a time. She’s on her third pair of shoes, ever. She’s three. She still wears 18-24 month clothes. She is small but mighty. Every so often she goes through a growth spurt… well, like three times now (remember the three pairs of shoes?)… and she sleeps 16 hours a night and eats everything that isn’t nailed down for about two weeks, then she wakes up inches taller and nothing fits. During these two weeks, I am a 24 hour a day short-order cook. I am on call to produce the healthiest, high-calorie, belly-filling… { read more }
It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Calls Social Services
It’s time for that Monday morning staple, my column over at In the Powder Room. There are jokes a-plenty until someone calls Child Protective Services on my ass. Check it out, leave me a comment ’cause I’ll be over there all day today. -Muaw!
Social Media Hermit, Stream of Consciousness
It’s strange how some days I can’t tear myself away from social media… okay, mostly Twitter and blogs… and other days I couldn’t force myself to be social-media-y if my life depended on it. The last two days I have been a social media hermit. I haven’t been online more than about ten minutes and I couldn’t tell you for the life of me why. I log in to twitter, look around and go, meh… I think I’d like a cup of tea. And I flutter over to my kitchen while my laptop sits neglected. I sit down in front… { read more }
The Perfect Christmas Gift. Seriously, It’s Awesome.
Not gonna lie, I’m an Etsy addict. Sometimes I get on there and I see something and wonder, How the hell is this person not rich and famous yet? This is the BEST thing anyone ever made. How has some huge corporation not started mass-producing this with slave labor in China? It’s THAT good?! Absolutely what I thought when I saw this ridiculously awesome Buckle Star from Wistful Stiches. If I was Oprah, this thing would be on my Favorite Things episode where I brag about all the awesome stuff I have in my life. But I’m not Oprah, so… { read more }
Cod and Avocado, Shockingly Good
Okay, so Good & Tasty Tuesday. No pressure when two of my four food idols read my blog on Sunday! Eeek. I mean, it’s not like they read one of my little ol’ recipe posts. Which is kind of a relief to be honest. It would be like my kid handing me a diaper full of poo and telling me they’d made supper. So, you know, Richard Blais & Fabio Viviani are well-versed on my philosophy on love, sex & orgasms… but whatever. They read my blog. I can cling to that for at least another ten years. So, moving… { read more }
Home Is Where the Sex Toys Are
Before you head over to In the Powder Room and read my new column this week, Home Is Where the Sex Toys Are, want to see a little slice of awesome? You know how I kinda, sorta looooooove to cook and am a bit of a Top Chef whore? Anyone who’s ever seen a season of Top Chef with Fabio Viviani in it will know he’s kind of amazing in the kitchen and he’s not too shabby to look at either. “It’s called Top Chef, not Top Scallop!” (If you don’t watch Top Chef, that won’t be funny to you,… { read more }
