Archive for October 2011
6 Things I’ve Learned From My Alpha Chicken
Every flock has a pecking order. The hen at the top of ours is named Mrs. Moulder. I’ve learned some tricks by watching her handle the other three girls in the coop: 1. If someone tries to get between me and my food, bite the bitch on the head. 2. If I’m not using my bed, that doesn’t mean you can use it. Just because my ass isn’t in my favorite spot… it’s still MY spot. And I will bite you on the head. 3. If you want to lie down next to me, you’d better be blocking the wind… { read more }
Home is Where the Booty Is
That saying Home is Where the Heart Is… total bullshit. My kids are the heart and soul of my world, but they are professional home destroyers. I clean something, they mess it up. I put something away, they drag it back out. How am I supposed to feel at home with that?! Little bastards. Oprah always says your home should rise up to meet you (I think she stole it from Maya Angelou or something). What if my home rises up to kick my ass? What about that, Oprah? Home is wherever my kids can run around naked while I… { read more }
Sneezing Everything Out
There’s been a vicious cold festering in the Babe Den the last couple of weeks. Several times a day I hear a tiny sneeze, followed by Muuuuuuuum! And then she looks like this: Just thought I’d shared the awesome with you. Also, in the name of sharing the awesome with you, I did a guest post yesterday about being barefoot in the kitchen because I want to be, not because I have to be. Does This Feminism Make My Butt Look Big? While I’m at it… Monday was Fighting the Good Fight, my nervous breakdown turned new perspective. Good &… { read more }
Guess Whose Husband Has A Valid U.S. Visa
It would be kind of anti-climactic right now to tell you that it’s mine, right? I mean, I’m sure that thousands and thousands and thousands of husbands have valid U.S. visas right now. It just so happens that mine isn’t one of them. Except he is. I totally got you, didn’t I? You were like, What? Why is she telling me her husband *doesn’t* have a visa? Oh! She was doing that dry, witty humor thing she does. And my response to that would be, yes… yes, I was. His visa is valid for entry for six months. Which means… { read more }
God Talks to Me Through Internet Friends
Sometimes you make a lifelong friend who lives in Australia. Which wouldn’t be so bad if you lived in Australia. Or even New Zealand. But this friendship is fraught with heartache when you live in the UK. Okay, all of the you’s in this paragraph are me and the Australian is Eden. I’ve never been very good at mystique. Eden happens to be a Catholic who isn’t without a sense of humor about her religion. In fact, she isn’t entirely sure what her sense is about her religion at all anymore. But she is more Catholic than me and that’s… { read more }
Whole Fish Without the Yuck Factor
I crazy-love eating fish. But damn it’s expensive. You know what I hate? Expensive food that I can’t live without. It’s why I started making so much stuff from scratch. The best way to get around the price tag on a piece of fish is to buy a whole fish. It’s like half price. Then you can have sea bass with mushrooms, broccoli and herbs and not feel like you spent your life’s savings on lunch. How yummy does that look? I’m not gonna lie, whole fish creep me out. It was mostly to prove something to myself that I… { read more }
Fighting the Good Fight
Let’s jump right in, shall we? Things have been hard lately. Not like in comparison to famine in third-world countries… or even poverty in first-world countries. But, relative to my nice little life… things have been hard. I don’t say that for sympathy. Fuck’s sake, please don’t do that cocking-your-head-to-the-side and feeling sorry for me thing—where you take on a baby-talk voice and say, “Awwww, sweetie… what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Please don’t do that. I’m almost always okay. The thing about this blog is that I’ve always made an effort to only tell my story here. I try not… { read more }
Sunday Roast & a Side of Chips
I can’t help but notice, as I write this recap post, that there’s a bit of an existential tone to the posts from the last week… we’ll talk more about that tomorrow. For now, in case you missed anything the last week, get caught up! Here’s this week, with all the fixins: Monday: Not Existential, Just Me Being a Dumbass Which was one of them there ironical titles… because it was a little bit existential angsty in flavor. Mostly just me talking about how life is complicated in ways I never expected. Tuesday: Write Because “Write because maybe you can’t… { read more }
There Should Be a Word For This
The idea that the Eskimos have some ridiculous number of words for snow, although evidently a misconception, is really appealing. I think we need 150 words for love. I love my children, in a totally different way than I’ve ever loved my husband… whom I love in a totally different way than I’ve ever felt about another lover… whom I obviously loved differently than any of my friends… family, etc., etc. But today, most importantly, I need a word for the love for a friend who cares deeply if I eat more than a mango, even if my stomach feels… { read more }
The Squirrel That Dreamt of Madness: Interview with the Author, Craig Stone
I have been reading the most amazing book. Every so often, I’m lucky enough to stumble on a writer who makes me think and literally laugh out loud; who writes in such a way that I feel that the characters are a part of my life and who narrates in a way that I want to be actual friends with the author… like stalk them down and make them have lunch with me. Such is the case with The Squirrel That Dreamt of Madness by Craig Stone. The author’s dad followed me on Twitter and harassed me about buying the… { read more }
