Archive for May 2011
10 Important Questions, Can You Answer Them? (Okay, Maybe That Makes 11)
1. As long as I don’t say it out loud, it’s okay if I call my kids assholes (in my head) at least three times a day, right? 2. There are times when I look at my kids and I think they are the most perfect, beautiful, sweet, amazing things ever created on the earth… then ten minutes later I want to strangle the life out of them and can’t imagine what stops me from doing it. Except I know it was the way I felt about them ten minutes earlier. Is there anyone else in the whole wide world… { read more }
The Meaning of Life, Stupid
This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules… Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only. Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw. Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. I was looking through some pictures of myself from my early twenties today—I was all sex and guts and bitterness. I wanted to burn the world down. I wrote annoyingly, exhaustingly sexual poems that the… { read more }
Me + Crisis=Crying & Booze
I am not one of those people who thrive in a crisis. I am pretty good about keeping my cool and doing what needs to be done despite the giant anxiety cramp in my stomach that makes me feel like I’ll shit my pants or puke at any moment. But I don’t enjoy it. I am not what you would call an adrenaline junkie. So when the city of Joplin, MO ceased to exist because a tornado ripped through it the other night and I spent all day off my computer so I didn’t even hear about it until the… { read more }
If Masturbation Is Cardio, What Will I Do With All My Free-Time?
This weekend, I read that masturbation counts as cardio. Armed with this information, and the knowledge that I never have to work out again, I’m trying to decide what to do with my newly reclaimed hour/hour-and-a-half every naptime that I was spending working out. Here’s a list of ten things I’m considering: 1. Start bedding all of those lovers I’ve kept on the backburner. 2. Find lovers to first put on the backburner. 3. I haven’t given myself a pedicure in AGES. Seriously, I can’t remember the last time I painted my toenails, and they used to be painted by… { read more }
I’m So Ashamed to Admit…
I have a deep-seated confession to get off my chest because the dirty-shameful feeling I have from carrying it around is eating me up inside. I always feel better when I get things off my chest here and I have been pondering it the last few days and have finally decided that I need to come clean and just lay it on the table and you can judge me and ridicule me, or accept me the way I am. Either way, I need to say it so we can all move on. I’ve been reading the Sookie Stackhouse novels that… { read more }
Photo Assignment Thursday!
It’s been a while since I’ve done Adventuroo’s photo assignment Thursday. As she says: Capture the Everyday is about getting you to capture those everyday moments in your life! Each Thursday, I’ll issue a simple challenge to capture something that’s a part of your daily life. This week’s assignment was something that needed upgrading. That’s one of my shoes with my homephone in it. Why? Well I haven’t gotten my UK driver’s license and my son’s school is a mile away… which makes for a lot of walking. Since I don’t drive, I’m usually at home or walking to… { read more }
What’s Better Than Winning New Clothes?
You all know how I like my humor—a little dry, with a dash of sarcasm and a pinch of profanity never hurts. So when Soge Shirts had a line of shirts for EVERYONE in my family, it was love at first sight. They hooked my daughter and I up with some hilariously cute shirts and they’re giving you a chance to win one of your own! Hudson loved her shirt so much that she literally wouldn’t take it off for three days. It’s says, I color outside the lines. Ahahahaha. She totally does. I don’t know if it was… { read more }
Womanhood: Stream of Consciousness Sunday
I’ve been pondering womanhood today. I don’t know why. It’s been this existential, what does it all mean kind of haze in my whirly brain. What defines it, what is it? We’ve got the standard feminine symbols, long hiar, boobs, butt, curves… or not, voice pitch, etc. But I like to think that we’ve shirked most of those in this modern age. I have two inches of hair, not the world’s biggest boobs… plenty of ass to spare though. I’ve had kids. That, clearly, is part of womanhood, but it’s far from a requisite since some awesome bitches just don’t… { read more }
Emails That Made The Stay At Home Babe
Thank you to Yahoo! Mail for sponsoring this post about staying connected. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do. I have a copy of all of the emails from the early days of my accidental romance with my husband in a Word doc. (Okay, if you don’t know the story you might want to go get caught up now.) I will keep them saved in a hundred different drives and email accounts for the rest of my days for posterity sake. It is literally our courtship… in writing!… { read more }
Feminine Wiles
I don’t do Wordless Wednesday. You know this about me by now. I just can’t shut up long enough to put up a picture, hit publish and walk away. I’m incapable. What I can say is that just as crappy as she started my day yesterday, she started it equally as hot and awesome today. Cuddled on the sofa for almost an hour. What a morning. Try to top that, Lovely Babies. Also, if you’re craving more of my words, and you want to know all there is to know about feminine wiles, you can get a big heapin’ helpin’… { read more }
