Archive for February 2011
When Did Mondays Get So Good?
I’ve done some pretty cool things in my days. I’ve never skydived, and I’ve never run with the bulls in Pamplona or anything (who wants to do that anyway??)… but I have done some things of which I am extremely proud. Today, I’m guest posting for Eden at her blog Eden Land. She’s Australian, she’s super deep and she let me put some of my words up on her super pretty, super awesome blog. Oh yeah, and I’m kind of proud of it… you got that right? Tomorrow I start a new review and giveaway for Honey Girl Organics, and… { read more }
To Meat or Not to Meat: Stream Of Consciousness Sunday
I wsa a vegetarian for over nnie years when I got pregnant with my son and craved a burger. More specifically, a Big Mac. That was the best damn piece of low-grade, hormone filled, processed beef in history. I felt a bit guilty, except the reason I was a vegetarian in the first place was because I didn’t like meat, not because of animal rights so I slept alright. Last night was steak night. See, in the last seven years of abandoning vegetarianism I’ve become a really good cook if I’m being honest. If I’m being totally immodest then I… { read more }
Great Big Pile of Awesome
You know I have a fondness for you, right? Oh, well, I totally do. It is exactly this fondness which drives me to tell you that I have a big pile of awesome for you. You believe me, right? ‘Cause I totally do. I won’t use the three testicles reference again, but it just so happens that I do have three points: -Did you hear the one about the girl with two blogs? No? Well, let me remind you. It starts with this lovely thing you’re looking at right now and ends with my post at AndNobodyToldMe.com yesterday where I… { read more }
Sometimes You Just Have to Take Momma’s Advice: Another Open Letter to My Kids
I started a series of open letters to my kids, just in case I should meet a tragic end before they’re old enough to really get some of the advice I’d like them to have. You know, the same reason I got life insurance (what a ridiculous process, which I’ll catalogue later). I couldn’t think of a better place to save these letters than here. So, if I die, someone make sure they read them or print them before my hosting payment expires… because I doubt I’ll be prepared enough to set up a trust to pay for webhosting after… { read more }
Tres Huevos (that means 3 balls in Spanish)
When I was in high school, there was this guy who got a hernia and was known as Tres Huevos for the rest of his unfortunate time on campus. When I just remembered his tragic nickname, his more tragic hernia and its relevance to this post, I audibly giggle on the sofa next to my husband. How do you explain that without starting a whole new conversation? I opted out. Nothing, just a funny thought. *Honey, if you’re reading this (yeah, not likely), there… that’s what I was thinking about… John and his unfortunate third ball.* What does it have… { read more }
Be Careful What You Wish For
Sure, I could be living a glamorous life of travel and riches, torrid love affairs and sordid scandals… but I have all of this, and who could want more than this? I’m living in a land of regretting what I wished for. My son’s school is a mile away and I don’t have my UK driver’s license yet, so every day is a four mile trek there and back to take him to school and pick him up. I really look forward to the lazy days of breaks when I don’t have to hustle and hustle in the mornings and… { read more }
I Found the Fountain of Youth… No, Really.
My face, and my skin have been a complete wreck. I’ve been on this motivational-speaker-type track lately, where I’ve reclaimed so many areas of my life. I’m reinvested in my writing, following my passion. I’ve been working out, taking back my body. Novak and I have been spending more quality time together, reviving our marriage. There’s just one problem: my face. No, seriously. I’m not getting any younger… as Dolly Parton said in Steel Magnolias Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin’ across your face. Almost-thirty has been starting to show in the stereo-typical fine lines/crow’s… { read more }
I’m Terrified of a Tiny Penis.
The sentiment that I’m scared of a little penis has taken on a whole new meaning since I’ve had kids. When my son was born, he was barely pinked up and crying before I started worrying about where he was going to put that little thing. What kind of girls was he going to end up dating? Would they be smart, sensible girls who were saving themselves for marriage… or hell, even college? Or would he fall into the tragically inevitable Oedipal cycle and date someone more like his mother? You know, the ones who mask their tragically low self-esteem… { read more }
I Just Want to Write: My Manifesto
I just want to write. Forgive the melodrama, but I just want to bleed myself out onto the page; be it in humor or sentiment, love or angst, I just want to pour it out here. Remember that? Remember when I used to tell you my secrets? Before I worried if a brand might want to put their name on my face; or my own brand? Remember when we just liked each other; when we met and we both thought we were kinda cute so we made out in the backroom of the internet party? Then we grew apart a… { read more }
10 Things I’d Rather Do Than Clean
I HATE cleaning. A lot. Here’s a few misery-inducing things I’d rather do than dishes and laundry: 1. Sit in a car for that moment when the tires are screeching and there’s nothing you can do right before an impact. 2. See my grandmother’s naked ass. Again. Though she’s dead, so I wouldn’t want to see her dead naked ass, given all the decomp and stuff. But, I would take a gander at her ass from fifteen years ago if it meant that I didn’t have to do dishes again. 3. Pull out five eyelashes, one at a time. Six… { read more }
