Archive for August 2010
Facebook Hates Pussy
I love being able to stay in touch with as many of my Lovely Babies as I can over at Facebook. I know, I know, some of you are categorically opposed to Facebook, and I respect that, whatever. Those of you who join me over there for my occasional updates and conversations, I really appreciate it. However, it brings up an interesting point that I can’t get from my web traffic software (Google Analytics tells me how many of you stop by every day, not if you’re reading in your underwear or anything. Don’t get paranoid.). And that point is… { read more }
I Always Swore I’d Never Lie To Him
It’s always been so important to me that I have an honest dialogue with my kids; that they know they can trust what I say is the truth; that I won’t dismiss them and tell them I don’t know when I do just because it’s more convenient (I totally do that sometimes btw). So, I still feel a little guilty that at breakfast when Makaio asked me, Mom, what was the squeaky noise on the floor upstairs last night? I don’t know, Buddy. (lie number 1) You know, it was like…*At this point he imitated the screeching noise of my… { read more }
It Doesn’t Get Much Better Than This
The giveaway winner will be picked when I have my morning coffee tomorrow (Monday). How nonspecific is that? Whatever, it’s my giveaway and I can do what I want. GO ENTER! That will be any time between 6 & 10 AM. (midnight and 4 AM Central Time in the States) And for your viewing pleasure today, because Cloud 9 Photography is better than my writing, two awesome pictures from the wedding:
Pad Thai… Mmmmmm, So Good
This recipe is very flexible and very forgiving with regard to what you stir-fry, but you should be pretty exact with the sauce measurements or else the sweet/sour/spicy balance will get all out of whack. We always bust out the chop sticks for this one, but you could dive in with a fork and no one will judge you. If you don’t have a wok, just use the largest frying pan you can find. As with any stir fried food, make sure and have ALL of your prep done before you start or you’ll screw it up. There’s not time… { read more }
What Englishmen Do in Missouri (Except my husband, who just eats cheeseburgers)
I placed an order online for some new Lush products—you know, because I’ve given all of mine to my Lovely Babies!—and I completely forgot to pick up a few items that I meant to order. As soon as I hit Confirm Order, I started swearing. I’ll be fucked if I’m going to pay an extra £5 in shipping for something just because I forgot to add it to my order thirty seconds ago. I called customer service. Yeah, hi. (Insert paragraph above.) Can you add those items for me? I’m sorry, I can’t add them. What I can do is… { read more }
He Left Me Hanging Upside Down
I sat upside down on the sofa, you know with my head hanging off where my feet should be and my feet sticking up where my head should be but my ass exactly where it was supposed to be—just pointing the other direction. Anyway, my husband walked in and What the hell are you doing? I’m sitting upside down so the blood will rush to my head. Why? So I’ll think of something awesome to write about with all the extra blood pumping through my brain. You know, you could just have a glass of wine, get drunk and write… { read more }
That Moment When I Knew I’d Made a Huge Mistake and There Was No Way to Undo it
In the post a few days ago when I told you how I have to schedule getting laid, I had the super-awesome-chick who’s entered the giveaway a hundred million times accuse me of being a romantic. I decided to fight back against these outlandish claims by telling you the story of how I met and married my husband and how it was the biggest mistake of my life. I had heard that Friend From High School and Friend’s Wife were having a baby (turns out they weren’t) and I wanted to track him down and congratulate him. I was a… { read more }
Weirdest Things About Me Despite Sexy Google Searches
In case you’re not web software savvy, let me start by explaining that I get a report from Google that tells me if people ended up at my blog by searching Google. It tells me what the words were that they used to search and not much else. The last two mornings I have woken to some of the funniest results. One morning it was Sex porno moms and yesterday morning it was Tattooed mom naked (See footnote regarding these searches). These brought to my attention something I already knew, but might tend to overlook: my writing can be elicit… { read more }
What Did You Do Last Night? I Got Laid.
There’s been this strange thing that’s happened since I got married with two kids: more often than not, I have to schedule sex. It’s usually midday, one of us will look at the other and as if pencilling in a lunch meeting we’ll say Wanna do It after the kids go to bed? Then either we write it in our figurative calendar or review our schedules for a better time. Spontaneity has kinda gone out the window with the little ruiners running around. To be fair though, the advance notice is nice since it now takes me a good hour… { read more }
Some Stuff I Grew
How many blooms can one sunflower have?! 6?! Seriously?! Blueberries Late season cherry tomatoes
